Emerging Tech Conference Breakdown Part 1: Surfing, The Secrets to Business Success, and Bloody Buzz Words

So it might be a little unfair for me to focus on THE BATTLE when it was probably such a small and insignificant part of the Emerging Technology Conference. Guess I’m showing my bloodthirsty, witchy part. Therefore I did make sure I asked my programmer about a few of the other talks he attended and the way too early in the morning (in my opinion, lazy brat that I am) keynote speech.

Surfing. That’s what the programmer learned about at 9 in the morning.

“Internet surfing?” I ask, already secretly thinking, my god, how boring.

“No, like wave surfing,” the programmer responds, “with boards. She (Lucinda Holt) had lots of pictures.”

I instantly perk up. I adore sports, especially of the water variety even though I’m the biggest klutz in the whole world. “But still, it was so early. Was the food at least good?”

“Nope, just bagels.”

Well, I’m disappointed now. I need coffee and sugar, sugar and coffee, to get me going in the morning, especially if I’ve got to pretend to pay attention to someone talking…even if there are pretty pictures. I would have lasted about 8 minutes. So how the hell did the programmer who can’t peel his eyelids off his eyeballs until 11 stay upright?

“She was a good speaker though she didn’t say anything new or groundbreaking. If anything, some of what she said was kinda obvious. But the stories she told were fun.”

“What exactly was this fun but obvious talk about besides surfboards and falling off them (a skill I’ve honed to Olympic standards)?”

According to the programmer the keynote speech was about how to make a web/programming technology firm succeed.

The secret: The right technology, at the right time, with the right message and the right something.

Yes, that’s right…SOMETHING. I think I need to buy the programmer a recorder because his memory is just downright shoddy. Doesn’t know what framework won, doesn’t know what technology is like Hillary Clinton. Doesn’t know the fourth ingredient to a successful tech company.

So what is it that this speaker’s company does that makes it so successful?

Organic search.

My eyes cross. Not because I don’t know what organic search is but because of the damn word organic. You know that IBM commercial where the worker bees play buzz word bingo.

Well, there’s a new buzz word to put on the card. ORGANIC. Everything is bloody organic now…but do you know what it really means?

Comparing Web Technologies to Hillary Clinton (and Other Fighting Words)

The programmer showed up at the hotel door after midnight sloshy and without his keycard.  I made him give me juicy tidbits through the door before letting him in (for fear he’d pass out on the bed and I’d be left with nothing to chitchat about here).

I tried to drag information about the Battle of the Frameworks out of him first, because well, let’s face it, out of all the titles on the schedule this is the one I probably understand the most.  And I was holding out for mention of light sabres.  First, let’s look at our contestants.

* Dan Allen, author of Seam in Action
* Peter Armstrong, author of Flexible Rails
* Bear Bibeault, co-author of jQuery in Action, Prototype & Scriptaculous in Action, and Ajax in Practice
* Max Carlson, co-author of Laszlo in Action and co-founder of Laszlo Systems
* Chad Michael Davis, co-author of Struts2 in Action
* Obie Fernandez, author of The Rails Way
* Robert Hanson, co-author of GWT in Action
* Yehuda Katz, co-author of jQuery in Action
* Chris Richardson, author of POJOS in Action

So I’m going to assume these are some of the best of the best since they’re battling it out as representatives of their frameworks.  All I really notice is what is with all the In Action (and one In Practice)?  What the hell does In Action mean anyway?  Are they all at the gym?  And then what’s up with the two odd-title-out Rails books/experts.  Is a Rail supposed to flexible?  I certainly hope not, Amtrak’s got enough problems.  And The Rails Way?  Sounds like a self help book.  Of course we all need help, maybe a framework will help us find a higher plain of mystical computing wholeness.  Ahh, the coffee is kicking in.

Anyway, the programmer began his dissertation on THE BATTLE by first clarifying a misunderstanding.  The title of the talk is misleading (hell, I hope it’s not THE BATTLE part).  Thankfully, it was that pesky, ambiguous FRAMEWORK word.  He said this wasn’t really a battle of the frameworks because a lot of the [INSERT Word Of Choice] In Actions above aren’t frameworks…of course the only one I can remember him mentioning is that GWT isn’t a framework (but I know Seam, Rails and Struts2 are).  So it wasn’t really a battle of the frameworks because some of these just weren’t comparable.

So what was it then?

JAVA VERSUS RUBY (Rails).

Lay your light sabres on the table and lets measure ‘em, boys.

Okay, well that’s what I would have done.

Apparently the Rails gurus laid down the gauntlet with a taunt that Rails was more mature than anything in the Java Platform.

And THE BATTLE commenced (or, as the programmer calls it, THE FLAME WAR).

Supposedly the Java people answered the call and at some point were asked to put down the flame thrower.

Ahh, so that answers my question finally.  Screw the light sabres, bring on the flame throwers.

Oh, and how does Hillary Clinton play into all this?  The programmer remembered one of the gurus mentioning that some technology wasn’t going to win (because a battle is all about who is left standing right?) but he couldn’t remember what that technology was.  I feel a sense of irony here.  So I’ll create my own quote from the one he only half remembered:

“[INSERT Technology/Framework here] is the Hillary Clinton of web technology.  It’s good, but it won’t win.“

So which framework did win?  I was answered by a beer-scented snore.