Comparing Web Technologies to Hillary Clinton (and Other Fighting Words)

The programmer showed up at the hotel door after midnight sloshy and without his keycard.  I made him give me juicy tidbits through the door before letting him in (for fear he’d pass out on the bed and I’d be left with nothing to chitchat about here).

I tried to drag information about the Battle of the Frameworks out of him first, because well, let’s face it, out of all the titles on the schedule this is the one I probably understand the most.  And I was holding out for mention of light sabres.  First, let’s look at our contestants.

* Dan Allen, author of Seam in Action
* Peter Armstrong, author of Flexible Rails
* Bear Bibeault, co-author of jQuery in Action, Prototype & Scriptaculous in Action, and Ajax in Practice
* Max Carlson, co-author of Laszlo in Action and co-founder of Laszlo Systems
* Chad Michael Davis, co-author of Struts2 in Action
* Obie Fernandez, author of The Rails Way
* Robert Hanson, co-author of GWT in Action
* Yehuda Katz, co-author of jQuery in Action
* Chris Richardson, author of POJOS in Action

So I’m going to assume these are some of the best of the best since they’re battling it out as representatives of their frameworks.  All I really notice is what is with all the In Action (and one In Practice)?  What the hell does In Action mean anyway?  Are they all at the gym?  And then what’s up with the two odd-title-out Rails books/experts.  Is a Rail supposed to flexible?  I certainly hope not, Amtrak’s got enough problems.  And The Rails Way?  Sounds like a self help book.  Of course we all need help, maybe a framework will help us find a higher plain of mystical computing wholeness.  Ahh, the coffee is kicking in.

Anyway, the programmer began his dissertation on THE BATTLE by first clarifying a misunderstanding.  The title of the talk is misleading (hell, I hope it’s not THE BATTLE part).  Thankfully, it was that pesky, ambiguous FRAMEWORK word.  He said this wasn’t really a battle of the frameworks because a lot of the [INSERT Word Of Choice] In Actions above aren’t frameworks…of course the only one I can remember him mentioning is that GWT isn’t a framework (but I know Seam, Rails and Struts2 are).  So it wasn’t really a battle of the frameworks because some of these just weren’t comparable.

So what was it then?

JAVA VERSUS RUBY (Rails).

Lay your light sabres on the table and lets measure ‘em, boys.

Okay, well that’s what I would have done.

Apparently the Rails gurus laid down the gauntlet with a taunt that Rails was more mature than anything in the Java Platform.

And THE BATTLE commenced (or, as the programmer calls it, THE FLAME WAR).

Supposedly the Java people answered the call and at some point were asked to put down the flame thrower.

Ahh, so that answers my question finally.  Screw the light sabres, bring on the flame throwers.

Oh, and how does Hillary Clinton play into all this?  The programmer remembered one of the gurus mentioning that some technology wasn’t going to win (because a battle is all about who is left standing right?) but he couldn’t remember what that technology was.  I feel a sense of irony here.  So I’ll create my own quote from the one he only half remembered:

“[INSERT Technology/Framework here] is the Hillary Clinton of web technology.  It’s good, but it won’t win.“

So which framework did win?  I was answered by a beer-scented snore.

Surprise Announcements from the Programmer (aka The Emerging Tech Conference)

Ahh, the exciting, spontaneous life of being married to a programmer. One minute you’re finished scheduling your week, then Wham!, he murmurs an offhand comment while squinting at his screen…leaving me blinking at my calender in horror and wondering if I have any whiteout left (because he mutters comments that tilt my world rather regularly).

So it seems I will be in Philadelphia next week…surprise, surprise. At some point the programmer signed up for the Emerging Technology Conference-a two day extravaganza featuring a smorgasbord of framework talks with catchy titles such as Battle of the Frameworks! How does one battle over frameworks? Do they use light sabers? Is the winner determined by who can code the fastest? Me, I’d take a laptop and just bonk them all over the head: I win! I win! I win! (oops, sorry, brief regression to childhood) .

I should have known not to start scheduling spring and summer fun without checking with the programmer. He tends to come out of his cave and go to programmer gatherings (aka conferences) when the weather warms. If only he would find scheduling software that was, well, perfect…but according to him such software doesn’t exist so he uses nothing (i.e. see previous post about perfectionism). So until such software exists (never gonna happen, sigh), I’ll be taking unexpected trips to Philadelphia…

The Programmer and Perfectionism

I read an article this morning about women and their quest for perfection. To me, this quest is unattainable (can we say Don Quixote but without the moral innocence) and frankly, why do we want to be perfect in all aspects of our lives? That and then the scientist part of me gets nitpicky:

1.  How do we measure perfection?

2.  What is the definition of perfection?

3.  How do we know when we’ve become perfect?

4.  What do we do when we achieve perfection? (fall over an die because there’s nothing more to do? get cryogenically frozen and put on display in a museum for posterity?)

Too much analysis for me.  While I think I understand the causes that launched today’s phenomenon of women attempting to be perfect (the perceived pressure for a pristine house with perfectly coordinated upholstery; gourmet yet home-cooked meals; smiling, happy, healthy, genius children; the right cars; the right neighborhood; a handsome, smart, sensitive spouse; an airbrushed body that competes with the models on magazine covers; an intellectually challenging, progressive work environment where you’re on the fast track for promotion every six months, and family and friends in the same stratosphere), I don’t have any desire to join the ranks of tired, unhappy, dissatisfied women striving for an ideal that someone else made up (of course maybe there are women who have achieved this supposed perfection and are therefore ecstatic-we just only ever hear of the people who aren’t quite making it).

I’m about as far from the above definition of perfect as one can be, and I have no interest in achieving it. I’m not in an up and coming neighborhood (but I adore my neighbors), I don’t have a car (I’d have to wash it and put gas in it), dinners are often soup and sandwiches, dishes get left in the sink over night (and ignored through the day), nothing in my house matches (because, frankly, I have zero fashion sense), I don’t have kids, well-adjusted or otherwise (and am on the receiving end of ‘you’re not getting any younger’ looks), I will never get a corner office unless I pay for it myself (since I’m self-employed), and even if I workout for two hours everyday and just eat lettuce, I’ll still have an ass. And I wouldn’t change any of this to have a ‘perfect life’. My house feels like home, my career goals are to be self-sufficient and to be able to pick and choose my clients, I can still fit into my jeans from college, and I love my friends and family though they’re strange, quirky, and sometimes just plain weird. In the end I’m happy with me, happy with where I am in my life, and can’t quite think how it can get any better than this.  (That does not mean I want this moment to last forever.  I have goals: I’d like to have more time to read books, I’d like to run a 5K a few minutes faster, I’d like to be part of an archaeological dig some place warm and exotic but not break any nails or sweat…)

Maybe why I’m able to deal with or ignore the pressure society/media/women put on women to be perfect is because I see the quest for perfectionism and its consequences numerous times a year. I am married to a programmer. Programmers can be absolutely obsessed with perfection. Learning the perfect language, finding the perfect framework, writing the perfect code, making it all perfectly clean and concise, having the perfect coding and testing environment on their computer(s)…and I could go on. In the programming facet of his life, my husband strives for perfection often-TO THE EXCLUSION OF ALL ELSE. Forget food, bathing, sleep, everything…about all he does is get up to use the bathroom.

To me this translates into: ‘If I try and have a perfect life, I won’t have any life to speak of‘.  Damn, that sucks.  And I promptly throw the idea of perfection out the window.

The other thing I’ve observed about the quest for perfection: IT JUST NEVER HAPPENS-the perfection part that is.  My husband has never found the perfect programming language, framework, working environment, etc. for a project (and I don’t think this is because he’s not smart).  Then he just gets upset.  Why is a project never perfect?  Well, because there are other people involved, budget constraints, time constraints, psycho clients with crazy request…the list goes on.  All the same factors will affect your ‘perfect life’; money, time, wacko children, family, and co-workers.  Let go, honey, you can’t control it all (and do you really want to?).

So while I may not be on a quest for perfection, how do I deal with a programmer who does desire perfection in at least one facet of his life?

Fact: I don’t understand his quest/obsession for programming nirvana, BUT I ACCEPT IT. I understood what he was like before I married him and had no delusions that he would change after we got married. So my advice to you, don’t try and be society’s vision of perfect (like we could define it any way) AND ALSO don’t expect your programmer to be perfect (in his programming or the rest of his life). You know how I listed the spouse as being handsome, smart and sensitive. Well, mine is handsome, smart in programming but not all that sensitive when his nose is pressed up against a monitor. But this supposed flaw doesn’t bring my life to a grinding halt. Programming is my husband’s life but my life is centered around a multitude of other things (and not my husband). He wants to spend Saturday programming, great! I’ll spend the day hiking, visiting friends, or pursuing my own work. My life doesn’t revolve around him nor does his revolve around me. We are companions, lovers, friends…not dependents. Sure, there are days where I try to persuade him out of his chair or nag at him to shave, and he’ll usually listen to me, but I also recognize when he is in his perfection mood and leave him alone.

Oh, and on the flipside, my husband doesn’t expect me to be ‘perfect’ either.  He point blank told me that he’ll never ever clean a toilet, even if his life depends on it, but he’s also never said anything to me when the bathrooms become tiny toxic waste pits…or his feet stick to the kitchen floor…or my outfit doesn’t match…or he’s out of underwear…or there are no clean glasses and if he wants dinner he better pick it up on his way home.

Now that’s love (and my definition of a perfect relationship).

Spread A Little Love, Programmer Style

Just because a programmer is starry-eyed and seemingly, completely absorbed with the latest release of Firefox or a new software framework (Seam (has nothing to do with sewing), Ruby (I’m not talking about a sparkly you can put on your finger), or Spring (not the season or something you can bounce on) doesn’t mean he or she isn’t cooking up ways to show the profoundness of their love for their spouse. Programmers just might not declare their love via traditional methods (flowers, candy, sparklies from an honest-to-goodness jewelry store). Heads up, programmers: BestBuy is not a jewelry store, a thumb drive on a lanyard doesn’t say quite the same thing as a string of pearls.

But programmers are very, very good at showing their spouses how much they love them using their techie skills.

Take Jay McCormack for example, a Solution Architect in Australia. I’m not quite sure what a Solution Architect is, but his blog contains words that my programmer uses (IMAP, Web 2.0, Open Source), so Jay’s getting shoved into my programmer classification. On his blog, he has a lovely, toe-curling (men, when a woman curls her toes, it’s a VERY good thing) accolade to his wife-he’s telling the whole world he can’t live without her. And while he’s the techie, I get the impression he’s hugely amused that his wife’s website is leaving his in the dust (think the almighty page rank quest).

So, programmer, use your unique skills to show your love. For example:

1. Write a blog entry about how much you love your wife (or husband).

2. Design a webpage for her own personal use (if she wants one), or make a private blog where the two of you can engage in digital flirting in your own personal cyberscape.

3. Bring home goodies from your conferences-sure the T-shirts and thumb drives are branded with logos she’s never seen, but she’ll know you were thinking about her even when you were getting bombarded with the latest and greatest technology.

4. Make sure she has her own techie stuff (i.e. the computer she wants (not your cast-off or what you think is best for her), a new mouse, her own girly mouse pad, an ergonomic chair made for her butt).

5. Ask her for a picture for your office (she’ll go all gooey that you want to show her off to your co-workers). Use her picture as your background on your monitor.