Let’s talk about goodies.
For y’all not on a conference circuit (be it for dental hygiene, African violet breeding, or all things computer and programming related), you may not know what goodies are. Goodies are the collection of things you typically get in a bag when you check in to your conference of choice. Typically they are related to your field and therefore the conference you’re at–unless one just likes to shell out hundreds to thousands of dollars for random conferences (hey, whatever floats your boat). For example, I assume the lovely people who go to dental conferences get free teeth, toothpicks and miniature cans of laughing gas–or at least, that’s what I imagine. Anyway, we’re talking about computer/programming conferences, where I don’t need to imagine what’s in the goody bag. I know, baby.
This year the Emerging Technologies for Enterprise (the full and official name) conference is going green, which I think is totally awesome! And not just because I’m of an environmental bent, but because when I get handed a folder of papers and hand outs and all the other paper crap that seems to be churned out by a conference I seem to always be fumbling, cussing and, of course, never finding the one thing I need–the bloody schedule. The only piece of paper my programmer has is the schedule, and it’s teeny tiny and fits in his name tag badge. Somebody should get a raise for that idea. All the other paper flotsam that seems to coincide with a conference has been transferred onto a thumb drive, and while this idea might not work for an African violet breeding conference, programmers and computer geeks should have no problem figuring out where to stick their thumb drives. Okay, that was a bad joke, but I couldn’t help myself. The other items in the Emerging Tech conference goody bag–a water bottle, branded with some company’s logo I think and a wind jacket, the kind middle-aged men wear on the golf course.
Let’s critique this ensemble from the point of view of the non-programming wife.
Water Bottle: I love water bottles. Why? Because I’m outside a lot: hiking, running, shoveling manure. A water bottle comes in handy. I get thirsty and a water bottle, literally, keeps the crap out of my drink. However, water bottles are a FAVORITE giveaway for all conferences, not just the tech ones, so I now have way too many water bottles and most get donated to the Salvation Army.
Wind Jacket (at least this is what I call it): Unfortunately, this is another common giveaway. And let’s face it, when clothing is a giveaway it tends to be sized L to XXL to accommodate America’s rapidly expanding waistlines. Not to insult my husband but…well…the man has the waist of a wasp. Ain’t gonna fit.
Thumb Drives: Definitely a necessity. They used to be expensive. They used to not fit that much. Now, we probably have about twenty of them, all branded with various company or conference logos. Don’t get me wrong, I love thumb drives. They’ve saved my sanity and files tons of times. They also survive going through the washing machine (a miracle right up there with walking on water in my mind)! But I have five tangled at the bottom of my bag right now, and I’m hoping I grabbed the one that I loaded my work onto…or I left it at home next to the TV, beside my bed, hanging from the corkboard, or my husband took it and I have his… You get the picture. So I’m afraid that thumb drives will become an item that will start getting pawned off, simply to cut down on the tangled confusion of my life. However, I will still take a thumb drive any day over a pile of papers.
Let’s examine goodies that have been dispensed by other conferences. While this is the first time my programmer has attended the Emerging Tech Conference, he’s hit JavaOne, No Fluff Just Stuff and various other conferences numerous times. They’re a couple goody themes.
The Bag: Sometimes one of the goodies is the bag itself. Book bags, tote bags, messenger bags. These are great, better than plastic bags, but, as with some of the items above, my programmer and I now have a ton of bags (because tote bags are a favorite giveaway at the conferences I attend and they’re usually loaded with paper, too. Bleck). We now have enough bags between us to stop using plastic grocery bags (furthering the green movement). We now have enough bags to get groceries for ourselves, our eight non-existent children, and to concurrently fill a large chest freezer. As you can see, this is now another item headed to the Salvation Army.
The Leather or Pleather Portfolio: Okay, these are a waste on both my husband and I. We’re just not professional enough to use them. They sit on our book case (all six of them) collecting dust. I’m loath to donate them because they look so nice (even the pleather ones) when not dust coated. I feel that maybe at some point we might need one, but in the end, they’re probably destined for a new home also.
Pens and Pads/Sticky Notes: Pens are great. Pens are fabulous. Why? Because we always need them. We use them. My programmer and I are constantly scribbling down notes (therefore the need for the small pads of paper/sticky notes) in strange places. Think in the car, by the treadmill, in all my purses…yes, even in the bathroom. I have pad and pen stashes everywhere.
So conference planners everywhere are now grumbling at me, asking, “well, what the hell am I supposed to use as promo materials then? What can I smack my logo on?”
I don’t know. Think outside the box.
Yes, you may now throw something at me for my very unimaginative use of a cliche which makes everyone round the world groan at its utter uselessness. But, come on, this is just a blog and my opinion. For all I know, all those programmers out there (with the exception of my husband) love water bottles. I just know that I no longer have any place to stash all this excess stuff in my little house. Hmmm, maybe you should give me a box to use as storage. Hot Damn! (Doing a little dance, the espresso is kicking in, baby!)
hotel room to suck down some caffeine. I love how the hotel room has quickly become just like home. Note the massive amount of cords, laptop and coffee leaving rings on my notebook. You can’t take me anywhere.
