Should Breasts Be An Open Source Project?

Will programmers even understand?

While I’m rather technologically challenged at times, I have developed a love for open source projects. I can usually find programs to do exactly what I want, instantly get it on my computer, and when I break it there’s tons of help in the form of wikis, forums, and devoted developers. Therefore, it was no wonder that the following blog title caught my attention: Open Source Boob Project.

That’s right: Open Source + boobs

Okay. My imagination scrambled. Could it be software for porn? For plastic surgeons? Did Boob stand for big object-oriented barnacles? Bran Oreos or beans?

Nope, boobs meant breasts. The mammary glands of mammals.

It seems that at the recent PenguiCon a group of people (I can’t figure out if they were all men) decided to ask attendees (not necessarily just women) if they could feel his or her breasts for the following purpose:

“It was an Open-Source Project, making breasts available to select folks. (Like any good project, you need access control, because there are loutish men and women who just Don’t Get It.) And we wanted a signal to let people know that they were okay with being asked politely…”

People were given buttons saying “Yes, you may” (feel my breasts) or “No, you may not” (feel my breasts). Accounts on exactly how these exchanges took place seem to vary wildly from simple, quick question sessions to groups of men descending on helpless breasts. Needless to say, there are a number of blogs and resulting comments that are dissecting the event with opinions ranging from stupid but harmless fun to no women will ever feel safe at a conference again.

I can’t tell you how I would have felt if these people had come up to me at a conference and asked to feel my breasts. It really would depend on my mood. The one point I’m getting stuck on is the people who have declared that it was a terrible question to ask in the first place. That I don’t agree with. Why can’t people ask any question they want? A question is a search for knowledge. Is some knowledge taboo to ask for?

Now that person you’re asking the question of doesn’t have to give you the answer you think you want to hear. You may ask me if you can feel my breasts anytime you want. I might say yes, no, none of your business, or this isn’t the appropriate time/place/audience to discuss/feel this topic. But I don’t think it is right that people censor their questions. Questions are good. I like to think questions bring truth, knowledge, and justice to the surface.

Now, there are others that feel such a question objectifies women. That men are reducing females to body parts with no minds. I have to admit I don’t really understand what objectifying women means. If it means that some man only thinks about me as a pair of breasts, pale thighs, or as a blond bimbo and not as an educated woman who likes sushi and French films…well…so what? I don’t care what he thinks about me. Why? Because frankly, it would never cross my mind that someone else is thinking about my breasts and ONLY my breasts. I don’t think of me as only my breasts. And the only thoughts that matter about me come from me (self-absorbed, I know). I’m probably naive and myopic for having that point of view, but well, this is my blog darnit. I definitely have to send this issue on to my sister though. She’ll have a field day (ranting at me) and actually understand the points about patriarchy.

My sister says women get objectified constantly-advertisements being a huge culprit-but everything she hates, I seem to just think as pretty, funny, or art. She would say I’ve objectified myself since my breasts are right here on this page. *sigh* Really, the breasts were just a good place to stick the mouse. I don’t take my breasts that seriously, I don’t take men or women staring at them seriously. I don’t really take anything seriously, which may be why I’m having difficulty relating to the people who are angry and disgusted at this situation. Many of the other bloggers speak of fear and horror.

kate_nepveu writes:

“If you are a stranger, especially a man, perhaps especially in a group of other strangers who are men, and you come up to me and say, “You’re very beautiful. I’d like to touch your breasts. Would you mind if I did?”:

You will put me in fear.

Because you could be someone who will go away quietly if I say no (which I will). You could be the exiled gay prince of Farlandia, cursed to wander this Earth looking for the key to his return that can only be revealed by touching the breast of a willing stranger, and who isn’t enjoying this at all. You could, in short, not be a danger to me.

But how am I supposed to know that?”

Suzanne Reisman writes:

“Personally, I’m not sure what I would do. I honestly think I would be frozen, shocked and horrified that some stranger would randomly approach me and ask to paw me. I’m sure I’d be embarrassed, creeped out, and feel like crying and/or puking. Yet this is what many women who attended PenguiCon were faced with during this year’s conference, which took place from April 18-20.”

I admit that I have never been in a situation that has caused me this type of fear. However, I’m very sure this fear does exist for other women and men, so please, don’t smack me, I’m not dissing this feeling at all. In reaction to the campaign groping at conferences (and groping in general seems to be a long term problem at these events), there is now a new open source project: Open Source Women Back Each Other Up Program.

While I don’t understand all the hubbub about the right to ask this question, the ethics versus the morals, or how it objectifies women, I can see that this was a bad idea. Was an open source and science fiction conference a good place to have a study about breasts? It might have been better at a gender roles or psychology conference. Announcements of the experiment should have been posted prior to the event, perhaps with legal disclaimers and such (because this is America and I just betcha, somewhere, a lawyer is getting all excited about this discussion (think lawsuit, not sex, people)).

So should breasts and the quest to demystify how they feel be an open source project? No. And the answer about why not is far simpler than morals, men and womens’ relationships with each others’ body parts, and the quest for knowledge.

I told the programmer there was an open source project about breasts while his fingers caressed the worn black keys of his laptop. His cha-cha typing stopped and he looked up at me, his brow slightly wrinkled.

He said, “how can you code a boob?”

Ahh, the straightforward simplicity of a programmer. Trust me, he doesn’t know what objectifying women is either.

(Naughty) USB Toys for the Over-Educated

I wandered the campuses of Drexel and the University of Pennsylvania today while the programmer absorbed hours of technological debating and education.  I have a way of reducing all that higher learning to the tawdry.  I found this in a store right off campus.

Just what every programmer wants!  A beagle to hump their USB port!

Day One of the Emerging Tech Conference in Windy Philadelphia

Let’s talk about goodies.

For y’all not on a conference circuit (be it for dental hygiene, African violet breeding, or all things computer and programming related), you may not know what goodies are. Goodies are the collection of things you typically get in a bag when you check in to your conference of choice. Typically they are related to your field and therefore the conference you’re at–unless one just likes to shell out hundreds to thousands of dollars for random conferences (hey, whatever floats your boat). For example, I assume the lovely people who go to dental conferences get free teeth, toothpicks and miniature cans of laughing gas–or at least, that’s what I imagine. Anyway, we’re talking about computer/programming conferences, where I don’t need to imagine what’s in the goody bag. I know, baby.

This year the Emerging Technologies for Enterprise (the full and official name) conference is going green, which I think is totally awesome! And not just because I’m of an environmental bent, but because when I get handed a folder of papers and hand outs and all the other paper crap that seems to be churned out by a conference I seem to always be fumbling, cussing and, of course, never finding the one thing I need–the bloody schedule. The only piece of paper my programmer has is the schedule, and it’s teeny tiny and fits in his name tag badge. Somebody should get a raise for that idea. All the other paper flotsam that seems to coincide with a conference has been transferred onto a thumb drive, and while this idea might not work for an African violet breeding conference, programmers and computer geeks should have no problem figuring out where to stick their thumb drives. Okay, that was a bad joke, but I couldn’t help myself. The other items in the Emerging Tech conference goody bag–a water bottle, branded with some company’s logo I think and a wind jacket, the kind middle-aged men wear on the golf course.

Let’s critique this ensemble from the point of view of the non-programming wife.

Water Bottle: I love water bottles. Why? Because I’m outside a lot: hiking, running, shoveling manure. A water bottle comes in handy. I get thirsty and a water bottle, literally, keeps the crap out of my drink. However, water bottles are a FAVORITE giveaway for all conferences, not just the tech ones, so I now have way too many water bottles and most get donated to the Salvation Army.

Wind Jacket (at least this is what I call it): Unfortunately, this is another common giveaway. And let’s face it, when clothing is a giveaway it tends to be sized L to XXL to accommodate America’s rapidly expanding waistlines. Not to insult my husband but…well…the man has the waist of a wasp. Ain’t gonna fit.

Thumb Drives: Definitely a necessity. They used to be expensive. They used to not fit that much. Now, we probably have about twenty of them, all branded with various company or conference logos. Don’t get me wrong, I love thumb drives. They’ve saved my sanity and files tons of times. They also survive going through the washing machine (a miracle right up there with walking on water in my mind)! But I have five tangled at the bottom of my bag right now, and I’m hoping I grabbed the one that I loaded my work onto…or I left it at home next to the TV, beside my bed, hanging from the corkboard, or my husband took it and I have his… You get the picture. So I’m afraid that thumb drives will become an item that will start getting pawned off, simply to cut down on the tangled confusion of my life. However, I will still take a thumb drive any day over a pile of papers.

Let’s examine goodies that have been dispensed by other conferences. While this is the first time my programmer has attended the Emerging Tech Conference, he’s hit JavaOne, No Fluff Just Stuff and various other conferences numerous times. They’re a couple goody themes.

The Bag: Sometimes one of the goodies is the bag itself. Book bags, tote bags, messenger bags. These are great, better than plastic bags, but, as with some of the items above, my programmer and I now have a ton of bags (because tote bags are a favorite giveaway at the conferences I attend and they’re usually loaded with paper, too. Bleck). We now have enough bags between us to stop using plastic grocery bags (furthering the green movement). We now have enough bags to get groceries for ourselves, our eight non-existent children, and to concurrently fill a large chest freezer. As you can see, this is now another item headed to the Salvation Army.

The Leather or Pleather Portfolio: Okay, these are a waste on both my husband and I. We’re just not professional enough to use them. They sit on our book case (all six of them) collecting dust. I’m loath to donate them because they look so nice (even the pleather ones) when not dust coated. I feel that maybe at some point we might need one, but in the end, they’re probably destined for a new home also.

Pens and Pads/Sticky Notes: Pens are great. Pens are fabulous. Why? Because we always need them. We use them. My programmer and I are constantly scribbling down notes (therefore the need for the small pads of paper/sticky notes) in strange places. Think in the car, by the treadmill, in all my purses…yes, even in the bathroom. I have pad and pen stashes everywhere.

So conference planners everywhere are now grumbling at me, asking, “well, what the hell am I supposed to use as promo materials then? What can I smack my logo on?”

I don’t know. Think outside the box.

Yes, you may now throw something at me for my very unimaginative use of a cliche which makes everyone round the world groan at its utter uselessness. But, come on, this is just a blog and my opinion. For all I know, all those programmers out there (with the exception of my husband) love water bottles. I just know that I no longer have any place to stash all this excess stuff in my little house. Hmmm, maybe you should give me a box to use as storage. Hot Damn! (Doing a little dance, the espresso is kicking in, baby!)

Observing Programmers in their Natural Habitat

The programmer and I made it to Philly, where we froze our asses off last night looking for something to eat (where do all these University of Pennsylvania and Drexel students eat or is the dining hall food that good?). Miracle of miracles, the programmer woke up before noon and made it to the Emerging Tech Conference’s breakfast and keynote speech. A speech first thing in the morning? Is this done? Does anyone stay awake regardless of how invigorating the speaker is? Will definitely get the lowdown on this phenomenon from the programmer when I see him tonight.

I on the other hand went to find a frappachino. Doing the bare minimum not to scare the locals, I brushed my hair, teeth, and put on some clothes (Be thankful). Then crawled back to my hotel room to suck down some caffeine. I love how the hotel room has quickly become just like home. Note the massive amount of cords, laptop and coffee leaving rings on my notebook. You can’t take me anywhere.

Once I’m properly caffeinated, showered, and dressed in something that isn’t sweatpants, I’ll check out the scenery, the programmers, and possibly stalk some things with my camera (Warning: I can’t take a decent photo to save my life).

If you don’t hear back from me I got picked up for indecent exposure or for taking a picture of a law professor in a compromising position-I’ve got that kind of luck-or gasp, a Java developer using .NET.