I try to eat healthy. I really do. I’m all about tweaking my diet to counteract the diet soda addiction my sisters say is sending me to hell. However, I’m slow to pick up something new that’s usually expensive and a year from now will be denounced as having no benefits. Foods that are deemed “healthy” sometimes resemble rapidly moving targets.
And sometimes, I’m the target.
Take peanut butter for example. I decided to try natural peanut butter after learning how it doesn’t have the trans fats, hydrogenated oils and the added sugars of typical peanut butter. Plus, my local grocery store started carrying the natural kinds in the last few months (remember, I’m lazy, if it isn’t at the grocery store across the street I’m probably not going to bother tracking it down). I picked up a jar of ‘Naturally More‘. Not only is it a natural peanut butter but it includes flax seed, another food I’ve read has a lot of benefits from lowering cholesterol, preventing dry eyes, to possibly shrinking tumors. All bonuses in my book. At home I popped the lid, already prepared for the oil separation. What I didn’t realize was that mixing the peanut butter is an intense 15 minute workout.
Or that natural peanut butter ATTACKS.
Mixing this peanut butter is hard, especially when the jar is full. It’s stratified into three layers: oil, buttery stuff, and lump of coal. I’d just started working in the bottom layer when the peanut butter retaliated. It spewed oil all over the front of my T-shirt. The programmer was highly amused. (Next time I’m aiming the jar at his laptop.) Nevertheless, I did eventually stir the peanut butter into submission and it was delicious! Add a check to my healthy food list.
Next up was a trip to the local vitamin/health food palace. I’d finally run out of the cheap protein powder I picked up at Target when I first tip-toed into the land of protein shakes. It was time to up the ante. I was also in search of the popular flaxseeds, something I hadn’t been able to find at the grocery store.
Why didn’t I know you need a manual to interpret the jargon in the land of vitamins, supplements, and protein? Is there a degree I need to get before I can buy anything in this store? I started looking for protein. Is that the weight management, sports nutrition, or muscle section? Why are the containers HUGE? Tell me this jar is supposed to last a whole year. Are they giant-sized because they make you a giant? Overwhelmed by the TWO WALLS of protein choices, I decided tackle the flaxseed instead. How complicated could a seed be?
Searching for flax, I found the…Cod Liver Oil…a whole shelf of it. What the hell do you use that for? I thought it was only to torture children in Disney movies? Even more disturbing, the flax and cod are only separated by a few shelves. Does this mean they’re related? And while there are less flax products than protein, they’re still scary with the technical speak.
Seed versus ground versus sprouted versus pill versus oil?
Just lignan or highest lignan?
Nitrogen flushed?
Bioavailability?
There’s a brand called Chia. As in a Chia pet? Do I feed this to me, my chinchilla, or my plants?
In the end, I picked the brand with the most jargon on the front. Very scientific. So I now have a next generation milled, sprouted flaxseed, a raw food that’s been flushed and is very bioavailable. This omega-3 containing miracle looks like sandy potting soil and smells like dirt, too. Are you really sure I’m not supposed to feed this to my violets?
Finally, I could no longer put off the protein choice. I ignored the ones close to the creatine section, even I know what creatine is and I don’t have any body building tournaments in the near future. Same went for the jars showcasing men with pecs the size of serving platters in itsy-bitsy teeny-tiny bikini bottoms. And something called Muscle Milk–sounds like a spa treatment. After a process of elimination, weeding out premixed drinks, the brand a man with the biggest thighs I’ve ever seen bought, and brands with celebrities or celebrity diets on them, I found myself in the endurance section. Endurance sounds good. My goal this year is to run a half-marathon. I want something that will help me maximize my workouts but not secure me a job with the local circus. Eventually, I selected a ginormous jar of whey protein. Where I’m supposed to store it in my tiny kitchen, I’ve yet to solve.
Needless to say, I didn’t realize that there were so many vitamins, supplements, and other weird things that people put in their bodies (a little lightening, anyone?). How do they know where to start?
SO funny! We recently switched to natural peanut butter too, and I must say that while I like the natural peanut butter, I miss just being able to open up my PB and scoop without making a mess stirring and stirring. And health food stores! So confusing! I bought some protein powder a few months ago too, and it was so confusing. To top it off, mine ended up being recalled – grrrrr!
@cathy So I’m not the only one confused by the health store! I feel like I need a manual just to figure out the meanings of half the words much less what is good for me.
As for the natural peanut butter, I’ve found that if you stick it in the fridge it doesn’t separate, except then it is as hard as a rock *sigh*.
Reading this… well… it kinda makes me want to have a donut, actually!
@geekhiker Mmmm, donuts. I <3 donuts. They’d be breakfast, lunch and dinner, if I had no self-control, which is why they’re banned from the house (b/c I don’t trust my self-control, lol)